Looking for someone to love? Be the love you seek.

feet together

In this request for a Life Reading, a client asked the following questions: 

  • Will a love relationship form in my life in the near future? I’ve been struggling with dating guys and falling for the wrong one fast.
  • Why do I get so emotionally connected quickly? I’m young, and I like to have fun, but my love life is in a famine.
  • Will I be partnered up soon or stay single for a while longer?

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading: Being with a partner is the opportunity to get to know yourself. It is irrelevant whether you are “partnered up” or not – for we are always, ultimately, simply seeing and knowing ourselves through the reflection of the other people in our lives. That is why the nature of relationships is so transitory – and why we suffer so much in the thrall of trying to maintain, mend, or establish relationships. Because we are busy doing so with an attachment to the result: We are attached to getting something, going somewhere, becoming something more – by means of the relationship.

Sometimes we deceive ourselves, believing that the love we feel in our relationship is “all about the other person” — because the other person is this way, or that way — we can love them. This is an illusion. Love is not about the other person. Being “in love” means that we are in love with the reflection of ourselves within the other person. Try entering into a new relationship without any attachments.

Try simply being present with the other person, recognizing that the other person is always and in every way reflecting back some aspect of yourself. If it is “love” you are seeking, then be “love” for yourself. Be totally in love with yourself! This is the secret to a happy, fulfilling relationship – to be fully satisfied and full within oneself first. It is a certain set-up for future suffering and disappointment to go “looking for love” with and through another person.

All the love we seek lies inside of us, eternally, in each and every moment! There is no seeking, only seeing this to be always the case. Sometimes we discover aspects of ourselves that we don’t find lovable. We’re not proud of these parts of ourselves; we hide from them, and we hide them from other people.

This is where honesty and courage find a home in our hearts – when we discover that we truly want to love all of ourselves, and we find ourselves ready to face those shadow parts, those dragons, those skeletons in the closet. Sometimes those are the things we “fall for” in other people, because what we truly want is to encounter and embrace those parts of ourselves! Thus, we discover the magic, the beauty, and the timeless, irresistible quality of falling in love with another person.

We realize that we love another so that we can learn to love ourselves, to see ourselves, to let ourselves be seen, be held, be loved. There is always something valuable to learn from being “emotionally connected”…. This is our natural, wonderful birthright! Simply recognize your connectedness to be a sacred, holy vessel through which you can connect more deeply and more truly with yourself.

Whether you are falling in or out of love, there are always gifts to be opened, treasured, and stored in our memories. There truly is no loss in love, only the opportunity to love again, more deeply, more fully, with less and less attachment to any desired outcomes. There is no love life to be had “out there”…. There is simply always love – perfect and whole – within yourself, to be reflected and expressed through your relationship with another person.

Let go of your anxiety and attempts to “find” this person, and instead, be the love that you seek, let this love be expressed authentically; and the other person will most certainly show up in your life, simply by virtue of the supernatural force of your own heart bursting forth with love.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

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