Finding peace after the loss of a family member

V— requests a Life Reading, seeking guidance and insights to many questions about personal wellness, marriage, spirituality, and life’s purpose:

birdMy son passed away last year. I’ve had some deep insights into my spirituality and some real indicators to our connectedness to the other side of the veil—an awakening, perhaps.

Why am I so unbelievably exhausted and unmotivated? The exhaustion seems to be getting much worse. Medical tests show that everything is normal. How do I fix this?

I have since had shamanism presented to me numerous times, although I have resisted. I am having trouble finding help on this new path. I feel like I am adrift.

Is this the path meant for me? Will I find a mentor?

And why can’t I seem to find my spirit guides? … Or, have I found them, and I just don’t know it?

I see so many images when I meditate, but I can’t seem to make sense of them all. Even when I’m not meditating; for example, just closing my eyes during emotional moments, I still see images. (I swear, I’m not crazy!)

What am I supposed to do with my life? How do I make my time here on earth meaningful? What’s my purpose, and how do I find the energy to pursue it?

How do I find joy in life again? Everything that’s going on in the world seems too overwhelming. So many bad things are happening…. I sometimes feel nauseous hearing about it on TV or social media, to the point where I’ve stopped watching the news…. I’m seriously considering shutting down my Facebook account. It’s really sickening and heartbreaking—all this hate in the world.

My husband is…. a difficult person. Although, I’m sure I’m difficult too. Am I being selfish when I think about leaving him, or should I just suck it up and try harder? Is this relationship my life lesson in patience and compassion? Is it more honorable to stay together?

In the past, I was intuitive and good at seeing the big picture, but now, I can’t see the forest for all the trees. I used to be really confident and grounded when I was younger, but now, I just feel so off kilter.

What is happening to me?

Life Reading by Parama

wolfYour son’s death has left a void in your external world, but you still feel him on the inner plane. Connections can never be lost.

“Daddy, Mommy,” your son says, “I know you miss me, but I had to leave. It was my time to go. Some people get a whole lifetime—I only got twelve years. I learned what I needed to learn, and you taught me well. I know you wanted to save me, but it was my time to go.

“Please let me go. I want to move on, too. But I can’t, because you are holding on so tight to your guilt – wishing you could have saved me.

“Let me fly! I want to fly. When you look up and see a bird with its wings outstretched, hovering above you, you’ll know it’s a sign from my spirit, having united with the Almighty One God.

“Remember me, but let me go—let me fly—let me be free and live forever in your hearts. Mommy, Daddy—one day we will reunite. I know, because the angels tell me so. And we will be happy together, forever with God.

“Take down my bedroom, my play toys, the favorite truck of mine that always makes you cry, and please, for my sake, give it away to a charity so that some other child can play the way I once did. This will please me, bring me joy, and help set our spirits free.

“Please… I want to see you happy again. I want to see you play together the way you used to play with me.

“You can’t make me come back, but you can be happy now. You have each other, and that’s a gift from God. I’ll never forget you, … ever, ever.”

The spirit of the wolf walks with you and protects you. The wolf is a fierce guardian of what you hold dear. Ask for protection and guidance from God, and then close your eyes, listen, and pay attention. A wolf—a guardian spirit gifted to you from God—is a fearless, loyal, dedicated provider and protector for you, especially as you consider bringing another child into your family. You will know when you are ready.

An unhealthy substance addiction has sapped you of energy and consumed your creativity. Seek support to free yourself from these chains. Ask God to help you…. Cry out if you must.

Have you let yourself cry over the loss of your son?

Find a loving, supportive friend from your local community whom you trust. You’ve known this person a long time, and she has great wisdom and a deep understanding of who you are. Ask her to listen to you talk about your substance addiction. Receive her unconditional love and support. Rely on her whenever you feel tempted to indulge.

Drowning out the pain cannot make it go away. Denial can only amplify your pain, until it consumes you—all of you. Will you let this happen? You don’t want to feel your pain, so you have found a way to justify your addiction, as if you were entitled to indulge in self-destructive behaviors.

This is extremely taxing to your nervous system, throws your hormones off balance, and exhausts you.

The time has come to fervently—Start now—seek healthy outlets to vent your emotions, which you’ve managed with great effort to stuff deep inside of yourself.

Using your chosen art medium, capture the images you see in meditation or when your eyes are closed. Give the images your own expression: Give them a voice, a shape, and free them from being trapped inside of you.

A new dance can only begin when you’re willing—and ready—to let go of whatever’s holding you back, get up, and embrace your dance partner.

people-dancing-silhouette-icon-25When you first met your partner, you used to dance, play, and explore together. You’ve stopped taking the time to enjoy being together.

Ask God to renew and rebuild your life. Regenerate yourself and your relationship through God’s love and your love for each other. You can do this. What seems to be “difficult” about your relationship will transform as you express yourself more and more.

Unburden yourself from guilt.

Rely on trustworthy friends to help you. Don’t expect your partner to fulfill your needs for support. It’s too much right now. If you build a solid support network for yourself outside of your primary partnership, then over time, you will find that your marriage improves, your perceptions change, and you will be able to enjoy life together, as you once did.

Be patient in your relationship, and do your fair share. You’ve both been struggling, so do not add more burden by expecting the other person to save you from your pain. You must do this work for yourself, in your own heart, with the help of God and your trusted support network.

Have you and your partner considered building a new house or an addition to your house? This could be helpful for you to do together: a collaborative project, creating something new together.

dust-devil-vs-tall-bike-burning-man-2010Consider a vacation getaway with your partner soon. This will help you find new perspectives, as well as giving you needed time alone together. You’ve been vying for many peoples’ attention in personal and professional matters, leaving you little energy to focus on each other’s needs.

Don’t let other people compete for your attention: You must choose where and to whom you will give your attention. Start with yourself and God.

You have done well to maintain professionalism and commendable performance at work. Continue to apply yourself in your craft, for your work serves as an outlet for your creativity—a means by which you can reconnect with your joy … You must ask for this…. You must make the necessary adjustments in your work routines, schedules, and workspace to allow for uncensored, raw, unlimited self-expression.

You’ve been holding back too much, denying yourself the opportunity to unleash your passion in your life, because you fear rejection or judgment from others. Ask yourself, “Is this worth it? What do I gain by giving into my fears that others will judge me?”

bikeA new bicycle awaits you and needs repair. Start there. Design the bike according to your own specifications and paint it however you desire. Let the bike be a metaphor for your own body…. Build yourself a new body, a renewal in the spirit of God’s love, in self-love.

Love yourself as God loves you, and do not deny yourself the blessing of joy and lightheartedness! When is the last time you had a cathartic belly laugh with friends over some hilarious joke, a story… a movie? Seek out the opportunity to laugh more! Watch funny YouTube videos if you must—anything to get your body convulsing in fits of laughter!

Whether alone or with trusted friends, your laughter will bring you to tears…. will lead you to anger… will open the door for forgiveness… and will, finally, give you peace.

By the time you parade your new, decked-out bicycle through the streets of your summertime celebration, you will be ready to meet a special person who will become a teacher and mentor for your spiritual path.

Look out for signposts pointing the way.

Of course, you will know when you have met your teacher, who will appear at first to be a “nobody” (almost invisible), but as soon as you engage in a conversation, his words will speak to your heart. You will feel refreshed in his company, enlivened by his energy, and inspired by his example.

Life has many twists and turns. One thing leads to another. Nothing is ever lost—not even the people who’ve come into our lives for some time, then gone away.

We are all precious pearls on the same string, coiling and spiraling itself through space, keeping us eternally connected through the unconditional, divine, perfect love of our One Creator, the One God who knows all. Trust in this always.

-End of Life Reading-

I wish you blessings on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama

Letting tears flow during life transition

crying

Seeking answers to questions about living alone, how to proceed on my career path, my true life purpose, how to be of service “in my very best”, K— writes,

  • Although it could seem that I am in a major transition, it is actually more that I am stepping fully in my life purpose, which brings changes around and within me.
  • Living alone for the first time in 3 years, feels perfect.
  • Working two different jobs, in customer service to pay my overhead, and my true mission/purpose as an Intuitive Life Coach, which is very powerful and incredibly helpful to my clients.
  • I would like to know what I need to know to proceed further on my path. Financially it scares me the most, although I feel I am supposed to stay at my place, financially it does not seem possible at this moment. Work wise, the work I do in the outer world, to pay my overhead, seems to become more and more disconnected from my true purpose and the work, which also pays me, that I do with people.
  • Basically…is my apartment my place to stay?
  • How much longer do I need to work in customer service to support my true calling?
  • What I can do, do I need to know, in regards to my spiritual work, to walk this path fully and be of service in my very best? Thank you soulfully.

Parama received the following information for this Life Reading:

Keeping up something that you dislike at the expense of focusing on what you really want to do is like a fish trying to live on land. The fish will never belong and will always feel uncomfortable, because it is not inside its native habitat.

Plant your feet right where you want to be, and do what you want to do without moving around so much. You must find a way to live in a comfortable place close enough to your clients so that they can come to your office location. You will benefit from creating your own personal office for your business as a Life Coach.

There is a mentor (you haven’t met yet) who can deepen and hone your skills in this area, so that once your apprenticeship with this person (a female) is complete, you will be able to offer a unique service that only you, with your talents and training, can offer.

Consider your current location: Would it help you to expand your clientele if you moved closer to a metropolitan area? Where you are based at this time may be restricting for you in terms of growing your business so that it is lucrative. Only give up your “side job” once you have considered relocating your base where you are living and working. Network with friends in this area, as they can help you out.

Customer service, even though it is not your mission, is part of your training as a Life Coach. This job is important, for you are learning important skills in how to relate to and communicate honestly with people who are very different from you. There is still a lot to learn in this area. The customer service job will naturally fall away once you begin to grow your Life Coach business, but first you must complete your apprenticeship.

Your mother will try to strongly influence you not to move or make your career focus be Life Coaching. Her fears and concerns are borne of her own beliefs that a person cannot be successful as a self-employed service provider. She is afraid for your financial stability. Let this be her concern, and listen when she expresses her concern, but do not be influenced by her strong desire to dissuade you from what you know you want to do.

Life Coaching is your great talent and gift, but you lack experience in certain areas that your mentor will be able to provide for you by letting you observe her sessions with clients. You will gain wisdom and understanding of effective techniques and processes.

There is an artistic aspect of your personality that must be expressed in your work with clients. Do not suppress it, thinking that somehow it does not belong or would not be well received. Your artistic ability, though it takes on a form that may be unusual and nonconventional, will be very important in your sessions with clients, and you will find yourself attracting a certain kind of client – people who are all seeking the same thing, struggling with similar issues, and you will notice a theme: Capture this and use it in the name of your business. (Do not just call it “Life Coaching”; create a unique name that captures the essence of what only you can do).

Embrace and be open to the transition that is happening around you, for a move is a likely possibility, and you will need to make some adjustments. Be prepared for a shift in the kinds of friends you keep, and the amount of time you spend with friends. While social time has been a balm for you for many years, you are beginning a new phase in your life where socializing is not as important as authentic connection with a select few who support and inspire your mission work, and who will help you to take it to the next level.

You will, in time, become a nationally known leader and trainer in your specialized kind of life coaching. You have the potential to become a world-renowned teacher/trainer with workshops in many different countries. This is why customer service is so important for you at this time, as you will need to know how to manage a lot of people with a lot of different personalities and requests.

Do not be discouraged by how the demands of your customer service job seem to deny you the ability to offer life coaching to clients. Remember, the customer service job is currently part of your training ground to becoming the best life coach you can be … and what better way than to get paid on-the-job training? This is a blessing for you.

Take some time to express yourself artistically and reconnect with the joy and satisfaction this brings you. Be moved to tears if you have to, because when you start to express yourself authentically through your art, you may find yourself feeling pain from the many years of pent-up pressure of trying so hard to suppress your natural expression.

Letting tears flow will be a healthy and helpful release. Make time to be alone and do this when and as you need to.

Consider a change in your wardrobe and hairstyle, especially the colors you wear. Choose hues of blue more often, and consume foods that are blue and purple (naturally, not artificially).

Be open to connecting with a new circle of friends and acquaintances, as this will be necessary for the growth and maturation of your immensely successful new business.

Tend to the care of animals more often. Do you want a pet or pets at home? This could do you great good, to nurture an animal and be loved unconditionally by animals.

-End of reading-

I wish you the best and may God bless you on your life’s journey. Thank you for writing. —Parama  

Whatever I give, I get back a thousandfold.

A sketch gifted to me by Luez, El Salvadorian art professor, visiting and teaching in Guatemala City, September 2012

One morning I decided to meditate on offering objects of beauty to people and to the Earth. The very next day, I was sitting in a restaurant and noticed a man across from me who was making a pencil sketch on his place mat. He kept looking over at me, and I realized that he was using me as a model for his sketch. After I finished my meal, I walked over to the man, and he introduced himself as a visiting art professor from El Salvador. I commented on how beautiful his sketch turned out. It was the face of a young woman who resembled me in some ways, but many of her facial features looked much different from mine.

He then offered to give me the sketch as a gift, and at first I was hesitant to accept. It seemed like such a generous gift, considering that it took him at least an hour to complete the drawing. But I decided that not accepting it might offend him, so I smiled and accepted his gift with gratitude. I hung the sketch near my altar, and every time I see it, I am reminded that the intelligent universe always reciprocates.

Whatever I give, I get back a thousandfold. It is the law of the universe. Whatever I give to others, the universe always gives back to me.

Whatever I Give, I Get Back a Thousandfold

A sketch gifted to me by Luez, El Salvadorian art professor, visiting and teaching in Guatemala City, September 2012

One morning I decided to meditate on offering objects of beauty to people and to the Earth. The very next day, I was sitting in a restaurant and noticed a man across from me who was making a pencil sketch on his place mat. He kept looking over at me, and I realized that he was using me as a model for his sketch. After I finished my meal, I walked over to the man, and he introduced himself as a visiting art professor from El Salvador. I commented on how beautiful his sketch turned out. It was the face of a young woman who resembled me in some ways, but many of her facial features looked much different from mine.

He then offered to give me the sketch as a gift, and at first I was hesitant to accept. It seemed like such a generous gift, considering that it took him at least an hour to complete the drawing. But I decided that not accepting it might offend him, so I smiled and accepted his gift with gratitude. I hung the sketch near my altar, and every time I see it, I am reminded that the intelligent universe always reciprocates.

Whatever I give, I get back a thousandfold. It is the law of the universe. Whatever I give to others, the universe always gives back to me.